As I spend the week in the Land of Bumps and Lumps, working on a Tout-Triste, I thought I should share two personal experiences to illustrate my point before offering some picturebooks related to the topic of death as helpful resources.

The first story is my own, as my father died as I was 4 years old.  I was told that he was “au ciel”, a word referring to Heaven, but also meaning “in the sky”. I found peace imaging my dad, looking after me from the sky, and was quite content until I took a plane, few years later, noticing anything but my dad waving at me while jumping on the clouds. 

The second story comes years later, as my own children faced death for the first time with the passing of their grandma. I stayed as factual as I could; one cried and then asked for fries for dinner because young children have this astonishing ability to move from one feeling to another feeling. We talked some more; we cried some more. A few weeks later, we went to their grandma’s house, and after a few minutes, one ran to us, hopeful, saying, “She can’t be gone; look, her purse is still here!”.

Why am I sharing those stories? Definitely not to express unfinished feelings or regrets, as talking about death often comes at a time when grown-ups deal with their own feelings, but rather, I want to illustrate how our words may be interpreted by young children.  “Au ciel” being taken literally, and a purse left behind. Young children, too, need time to grieve.

I started wondering what resources are easily accessible in times of grieving and I will write another post to share some of them at some point.

Today, I am just going to share a few words on three picturebooks I found at the library after searching the topic of death. Those are not the only ones, by far. But all of them should be seen as a starting point to discuss, providing the opportunity for a young child to express their own thoughts and feelings. A few days, a few months, a few years later.

1. Missing Mommy, by R Cobb, relates to the loss of a parent as if it was coming from a child’s perspective. The first part illustrates beautifully the various feelings a young child may go through on their own — incomprehension, fear,  anger. The second part focuses on the support a child may receive from their family, as the child asks about his mother. Such questions may never come, though, and we, grown up, must provide opportunities for those questions to arise.

   

2. Where do they go? by J Alvarez and illustrated by S Field raises questions, offering opportunities to discuss the topic of death and guide young children in raising their own questions. I also appreciate the diverse representation of characters, especially regarding skin colors, so that all children can see themselves in the book.
3. Cry, heart, but never break, by G Ringtved, and illustrated by C Pardi, was written by the author when his own mother was dying, as a way to support his own children. The illustration is beautiful, as Death is personified so that children can get familiar with the concept. This book is for an older audience, but could help you find comfort, and feel more equipped to talk about death. I would just make sure children do not take it literally, imagining Death visiting their home with its black outfit one day.