Young children, too, need time to grieve.
- Frédérique and the Wooden Fellows
Reflection – Sept 8, 2025.
Once a week, we revisit our previous posts to pause and reflect on the content.
How moving to read this post again, over a year later.
- Let’s add a book to the list, Empty and Me by Azam Mahdavi, a beautiful book about a child grieving her mother. This book has become one of Maurice’s cherished books.
- Talking about Maurice, this post was his first step! He did not have all of his colors (just his canding grey eyes), or even a name, yet : )
- On a more personal note, building the Petit Refuge, and hanging out daily with the wooden Fellows have truly been a healing process. Never too late to find peace with our own childhood. We hope our words bring you peace and hope.
What about you? What resonated the most with this post? Which picturebooks would you add to the list?
Have you ever had to talk about death with a young child? It can be, indeed, a heart-breaking topic to embrace as their questions, sometimes, come as we, grown-ups, go through our own grieving process. Whether it relates to the death of a pet or a beloved one, listening to their thoughts is critical, as we can be taken off guard by what may come from their young brain.
How young children may perceive death
As I spend the week in the Land of Bumps and Lumps, working on a Tout-Triste, I thought I should share two personal experiences to illustrate my point before offering some picturebooks related to the topic of death as helpful resources.
The first story is my own, as my father died when I was 4 years old. I was told that he was “au ciel”, a word referring to Heaven, but also meaning “in the sky”. I found peace imagining my dad, looking after me from the sky, and was quite content until I took a plane, a few years later, noticing anything but my dad waving at me while jumping on the clouds.
The second story comes years later, as my own children faced death for the first time with the passing of their grandma. I stayed as factual as I could; one cried and then asked for fries for dinner because young children have this astonishing ability to move from one feeling to another. We talked some more; we cried some more. A few weeks later, we went to their grandma’s house, and after a few minutes, one ran to us, hopeful, saying, “She can’t be gone; look, her purse is still here!”.
Why am I sharing those stories? Definitely not to express unfinished feelings or regrets, as discussing death often occurs at a time when adults are dealing with their own emotions, but rather, I want to illustrate how our words may be interpreted by young children. “Au ciel” being taken literally, and a purse left behind. Young children, too, need time to grieve.
I started wondering what resources are easily accessible in times of grieving, and I will write another post to share some of them at some point.
Today, I am just going to share a few words on three picturebooks I found at the library after searching for the topic of death. Those are not the only ones, by far. However, all of them should be viewed as a starting point for discussion, providing an opportunity for a young child to express their own thoughts and feelings. A few days, a few months, a few years later.
Three picturebooks to discuss death with young children
- Missing Mommy, by R Cobb, relates to the loss of a parent as if it was coming from a child’s perspective. The first part illustrates beautifully the various feelings a young child may go through on their own — incomprehension, fear, anger. The second part focuses on the support a child may receive from their family, as the child asks about his mother. Such questions may never come, though, and we, grown up, must provide opportunities for those questions to arise.
- Where do they go? by J Alvarez and illustrated by S Field raises questions, offering opportunities to discuss the topic of death and guide young children in raising their own questions. I also appreciate the diverse representation of characters, especially regarding skin colors, so that all children can see themselves in the book.
- Cry, heart, but never break, by G Ringtved, and illustrated by C Pardi, was written by the author when his own mother was dying, as a way to support his own children. The illustration is beautiful, as Death is personified so that children can get familiar with the concept. This book is for an older audience, but could help you find comfort, and feel more equipped to talk about death. I would just make sure children do not take it literally, imagining Death visiting their home with its black outfit one day.
Those three books are just a start but they provide several angles to approach the topic — one from a child’s perspective, one from a grown-up’s perspective, and one full of questions. Please do not hesitate to share in the comment or through the form any picturebooks, or other resources you may find helpful in view of our topic this week.
Wrapping up with an update on our first fellow
Now let’s finish this post on a lighter note — the first Fellow is almost ready to go!
Next week will be around learning outside, with the Mousse-Mousse and the Land of Leaves and Bushes.
Stay tuned, and as always, thank you so much for being here.
wonderful as always and I love the ways that you relate with the audience. It really captures me.
Thank you ! I am so glad you enjoyed the post.
This is truly amazing.
Thank you for stopping by!